【Science Fiction Archives】

We regret to inform you that the hustle bros are Science Fiction Archivesat it again — this time, they’ve brought mouth tape and banana peels.

Over the weekend, the internet was captivated (read: deeply confused) by a resurfaced video from fitness influencer Ashton Hall, whose morning routine might be the most unhinged one to grace our feeds.

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We’re talking full performance art levels of routine here — a six-hour odyssey that begins at 3:50 a.m. and ends at 9:30 a.m. and includes such highlights as mouth taping, icy face dunks (with very conspicuous bottled water product placement), shirtless push-ups, meditating, weird poses by the balcony, and — we cannot stress this enough — four minutes of hovering over the pool. The video, originally posted on February 7, is labeled "Day 191 of the morning routine that changed my life."

Hall, who boasts over 8 million Instagram followers, is no stranger to the hustle-core lifestyle content mill. His feed is a never-ending scroll of shirtless workouts, aggressively aestheticized morning routines, and the kind of unwavering discipline that makes you want to take a nap out of protest.

The reactions? Predictably savage. Social media has been lit up with memes, stitches, and general bewilderment. And it's not just the randos on the internet — pro sports teams and even Mr. Beast are having fun with it.

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How about coffee and a cold shower next time?

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