【Busty Coeds vs Lusty Cheerleaders (2011)】

There are Busty Coeds vs Lusty Cheerleaders (2011)two types of people in this world: beach lovers and beach haters. And while these two categories are mostly inflexible, it is technically possible to make a hater come around.

How do I know this? Friends, I used to bea beach hater. I hated the sand, the perpetually drippy sunscreen, the seagulls stealing my Doritos. I was practically a walking Anakin Skywalker clip.

But now I know the key to a good beach trip: planning. You don't need to plan a lot, either -- avoiding a beach disaster requires just a little bit of foresight.

You'll be basking in the sun and taking convincing plandids in no time.

Leave for the beach very early.

If you begin your journey early enough, you're likely to be one of the first people on the shore. Plus, if you're taking public transit or are not the one driving to the beach, you can doze off, stay drowsy, or enjoy a cup of (iced) coffee en route.

Walk a little further and find the good part of the beach.

One of the worst things about the beach? The other people at the beach. Luckily, they can often be avoided.

"In my experience, a long, very hot, very sandy, lightly exhausting walk to a more remote beach is worth it purely for the bliss of setting up camp in an area that will always, always, ALWAYS be less populated than the more accessible option your fellow beach-goers will flock to," my wise colleague Laura Vitto says. She's right: a slightly annoying walk early on is worth a full day of peace.

Don't rely on the snack bar.

Beachside snack bars are universally overpriced and almost universally bad. Instead, bring your own snacks. Here is a nice selection of ideas courtesy of Martha Stewart, whom I trust with my life. Also, bring canned wine! That way, no one has to be responsible for those wine bottles.

Bring a water bottle.

Everyone and their self-care bot are always talking about hydration, and for good reason. Fill up a reusable water bottle before you leave, then refill it at every possible opportunity. Carrying a heavy bottle is annoying, sure, but you know what's more annoying? Passing out in the sand.

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Pack two towels.

One towel for lounging and one towel for drying off. You need two! (One can be a beach blanket, of course; I am just advocating for the basic double-towel concept.)

Accept that you will get sand in your body crevices.

This cannot be avoided. Do not try to stave it off. You will rinse it off later in the shower and it will all be OK.

Invite a friend who owns a Bluetooth speaker.

Beach tunes are a must, and to have beach tunes, you must have a speaker. Just make sure your friend with the speaker is a friend you would invite even if they did not have the speaker. Beach season is no time for dishonesty.

Alternatively, you could buy a Bluetooth speaker.

Make sure your beach playlist is good.

Here! I made you one.

Do not screw around with your phone.

If you leave your phone out while you're at the beach, it will get wet. Or it will get stolen. Or it will get sand in the crevice between the case and the phone, which is nearly impossible to remove. The solution is to take your phone out one time during your beach trip -- to capture the one beach Instagram you will post when you get home. Choose carefully!

Beware the accidental beach nap.

The ABN might seem like an innocent practice (what could be wrong with an impromptu snooze?) but it has the potential to absolutely ruin your already risky outing. Why? If you fall asleep for too long, you could end up with a highly painful, uneven sunburn.

Wear your damn SPF.

There is nothing more important than sunscreen. To convince you, a cautionary tale: Several years ago, I went to the beach with some friends, one of whom did not apply sunscreen to his back because he was "too proud to ask for help." He later fell prey to an ABN, got sun poisoning, and did not speak for the rest of the day. RIP, man. (Just kidding; he is now fine. Still wear sunscreen, though.)

Have fun!

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